This post is going to be a guide as to how to be really spectacular and popular in a channel/chatroom on AOL. If you follow these simple steps, you will be progressing towards a rewarding chatroom experience in becoming a room regular, full of such intelligent and well-rounded people. The steps: 2) Have at least 3 children with this man. Make sure to post pictures on your profile of your children, because you know, we all give a big, flying fuck. 3) If female, seek out all the other males in the room, and make sleight of hand comments towards them to progress yourself into being a full-fledged flirt. If male, you need not do a thing; women of the room will automatically seek you out. 4) When regulars enter the chatroom, make sure to use the 'parenthenses hug' as follows: ((((( name ))))). Note: use either first name or nick name (not screen name) to seem really involved and popular. 5) Women: talk about your 'hubby' and please don't forget to sometimes refer to him as "DH" which stands for darling husband (sarcasm, of course). 6) When you see someone talking and you don't recognize their screen name, immediately question who they are, and point out to everyone that they are NOT a regular. The non-regular person must be aware of this immediately for full effect of being ostracized. Make sure you do your best to make them feel left out, because, well... it makes you feel good about yourself. 7) Have your signifigant other shut off the Daytona 500 and come on the computer and talk to the rest of the room. This will enable you to feel cared for and popular, because people you haven't met, and will never meet, typing to you from 1,039 miles away is to become a center piece and stronghold in your life. Without these people, you are nothing, and please do not forget that. 8) Remember the popular lunch table at school? Yes? Well, good; this works the same, except the popular people are not pretty, blonde cheerleaders and muscular jocks -- they're 40-something, overweight housewives from the south, and beer-bellied, truck driving men who enjoy hunting, fishing, and shooting things. 9) You can almost immediately find the popular people of the room by simply seeing who everyone is kissing ass to. If you see people lodging themselves sideways up someone's ass, follow by example, because you need to be part of the in-crowd of degenerates. 10) When somebody new comes in, and they have a different opinion than you, immediately insult them with jokes from the 1970's, because people get really upset at this due to its highly offensive nature. 11) Referring back to step 10, if someone isn't clearly conforming to the room collective, no longer refer to them as a HE or SHE, but rather, call them IT -- the person will get offended by this because it's just SO condescending and hurtful, not to mention intelligent and witty. 12) If the non-regular, non-conforming IT doesn't seem to be responding to your 'harsh' commentary, please, make a big, extravogant production in letting them and everyone else know that you are putting them on ignore. Example:
A guide to being a room regular
1:23 p.m.//01.19.05
Mood: Listless
One wish: That the Monkees would be put back on TV
1) Move to the south and get to know or even marry a truck driver.BigLoser4u: Alright, you jerk. It was nice talking to you, but I don't have time for your games. TIME FOR IGGY!!!! Just ignore IT, everyone! Bye bye!! ::CLICK!!!!:: ::POOF!!!:: Now I can't see you, haha! Is IT still yammering on? I wouldn't know because I put IT on ignore!!!!!!
(NOTE: do not ACTUALLY put the person on ignore, in case they talk badly about you and you can't defend yourself.)
That's all it takes. I'm sure you'll get the hang of it, because anyone interested in becoming a room regular quite obviously has great taste and a zest for life, not to mention well-rounded and highly cerebral.
Have fun! And please, feel free to stand in traffic in the middle of a major interstate at night, while wearing black. kthnx!
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