Mood: nauseas I don't think I'm feeling particularly bad right now, but I never usually do given the circumstances around me at this hour. I'm rarely depressed between the hours of 3 and 5am. I don't know why this is, but it just so happens to be true. Side note. At night when you go to lay your head down on your pillow... or stone... or whatever it is you lay your head on, you're going to be forced to recognize the fabrication of your existence. You're the only one who knows who you are and what you're capable of. Lies you've gotten others to believe mean little when you're burning in the fires of synthetic living. I miss him. I know that I wax and wane, but in my heart of hearts, I pine. I don't know what it is about him that has always enticed me to be mean. I can be such a fucking asshole. I've ruined something irreplaceable. I used to tell him I'd end up hurting him and that I was an awful individual. He never wanted to think of me like that, but I was being truthful with him. I can only speak within whichever mental boundaries are accessable to me at any given time, but for right now, I'm sorry. My burden is heavy. It's entirely fucked that at any moment, I can turn around and hate him, yet feel like this 5 minutes after that. You deserve to be happy, no matter how begrudgeingly anyone takes it.
Can you believe she repeated that?
5:38 a.m.//02.25.07
Sound: Cat Power -- Hate
Unrelatedly, I was once making mention to someone of how no one's ever written a song or poem for or about me. Unexpectedly, he wrote one for me. And then I killed his name. The end.
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