Mood: I don't know The time was ripe for distress. It was in the air. I could have inhaled and gotten high from it--it was that thick and selectively obvious. A morning voicemail. A familiar voice and an unprecedented tale. A few moments later, panic struck me. Tears soon then followed. This piercing image of a man's suffering at the hands of life was woefully irremoveable from my mind; an unnerving reminder of how disgusting existence can be. I had to face them, and for a few moments, I wasn't really sure which situation was worse. The awkwardness. My God, the awkwardness. It was enveloping and inescapeable; a rather terrible coupling. I felt stared at and slightly judged by everyone's eyes. I wanted to die. "So I hear you're getting married". A phrase I knew I'd hear, and feared the moment it would be asked, and that very moment was staring me dead in the face, with eyes that I could feel staring directly through me. The truth is, I didn't want to invite them. I didn't want to deal with that enormous anxiety and forced recollection of how that family used to act towards me, and how uncomfortable I was around them. The mere thought of it made me want to nervously vomit. But there are two from this group who I wholeheartedly miss and actually wanted at my wedding. But I didn't invite them, because it would make things complicated in involving the rest of that family. I don't know. I forgot how much I really like my aunt and uncle. It actually made me a tad bit happier having seen them. I, as best I could with too many ears in the cornfield, explained my actions, or lack of, to be more precise. They understood, and I just got this feeling of genuiness from them, which I rarely experience in human beings this day in age.
Judicious, augmented whatever
1:01 a.m.//09.12.06
Sound: Fragmented, unassociative thoughts
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