Fuck I'll never give up my pining for people and situations that occurred so tragically long ago. Because... I want to be back there so badly that I'll rip my heart out of my chest and tell you the story through a downpour of tears and passion. And despite these tears and tales told so passionately, you'd still have little idea as to how much I burn for it. I want the time, but I'm just left here with memories. Life has shown me that nothing will ever be as good as it was then, and I fucking burn. What kills me... what kills me more than anything else is that I can never have those times back. I can never listen to Siamese or MCIS for the first time ever again. I can't listen to those tapes on the bus ride to school to make myself feel a little better about being cast out and lonely and so aware at such a young age. I can never get back those nights where I had no one except Billy's voice amplified from a tape almost as worn as my heart was. It was brand new. You were young. I was young. You were everything to me, and now I stare through swollen eyes and wish so furiously that I could go back to that. Your face seems so old that I sometimes fear looking at it. Your face reminds me of all the time that's gone by and how much further away we're getting each and everyday. And I can't live like this anymore. My passions hold me as a slave and my desires are for things of the impossible. But I fucking love you and no one has touched me more.
Large, depessing intervals
2:23 a.m.//07.10.06
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
Fuck
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