Mood: People like you If I knew that was going to be the last time I was ever in your new car, I would have taken the time to properly ingest it into my memory. But doing so is bitter sweet, as the memory isn't a pleasant one. I recall not liking the change from said old to new car. It didn't feel quite right and I then began to feel that I will never have the chance to get used to it as I did the older car. It was one of those moments that predict your own future, but you're not sure whether to give into this overwhelming revelation and believe it, or just pass it off as some meaninglessly random thought that we tend to think sometimes. Because at that moment, I saw your new car as this metaphor for how things were to be in the immediate future regarding us: a change. An unwanted change. A change I wasn't comfortable with at all, but tried to ignore. A new and improved you. Collect the entire set. You sold out. You turned yellow and ran. And I couldn't believe my eyes, because, "My! Haven't the peasants gotten mighty?". Because you were on top of the world now, you neglegent mess. Haha. But besides all that. Whew... here we are. Back at the wiley old computer, for a few moments of non-cerebral indifferetiatus. A fatal case, mind you. About 4 days ago, the development in which I live, decides to spend useless money and put these 2-foot American flags on everyone's lawn. Now most people see this as an act of good will and appreciate the sentiment, because YAY America! But I, however, am not patriotic and didn't wish for this to be on my lawn. I didn't appreciate their ideals being put on my lawn, because by putting that flag there, they imposed upon me this patriotism that I do not have nor ever wish to. So, I compromised. I left the flag out there. However, it was turned upsidedown. And everytime I went back outside, it was back to being rightside up. This battle of flag-flipping wills went on for a couple of days, until my mother confronts me. "I've got a question for you!" she says, in a rather irritated tone. "What's that?" I ask her, as I ponder "What kind of bullshit question is this going to be?" "Are you the one that keeps turning the flag upsidedown?" she angrily asks me. "Yes, I am", I respond. "Well how DARE you do something like that? How DARE you! Do you know what that flag represents", she asked sternly. I'm thinking "Loaded question", but respond with, "Yes, which is part of the reason why it's been turned upsidedown." "This country deserves respect! People died for that flag! Grandpa almost died for that flag!" she yells, through tears. At that moment, I couldn't believe she was actually crying. And instead of feeling sorry that she was crying, I felt vicariously embarassed of and for her. Is she that out of touch with everything? But I respond with, "Well, to get technical, Grandpa had no choice in the matter, seeing as it was a draft. So you can actually blame that directly on America, for which the flag stands for, not to mention the fact that Grandpa was nearly killed, and over reasons that weren't what they appeared to be." "And as far as America deserving respect, I strongly disagree. Would you repect someone if they purposely held you down your entire life, just so they could control you more easily? I'm going to go ahead and assume the answer is no--no, you wouldn't respect someone that's done that to you. Well, America is doing that to you, but in a more terrible way, yet you say that they deserve respect?" I ask. My mom, looking rather confused and furious, answers with, "You are very disrespectful of this country!" I start to laugh a bit, but eventually get around to saying, "Well, to me, respect is something that's earned and not just simply given out with disregard. America, in the way that this country presents itself and handles itself, has shown me little to nothing to respect it for, and it certainly does not respect me. In fact, it wouldn't even know I exist if it weren't for the number associated with my existence, located in some major database, somewhere." At this point, my mother is really furious and looks at me as if she were going to pull out a .45 and start some crazy shit. "Turning the flag upsidedown is the same thing as turning the Cross upsidedown! I can't believe you'd do something like that!" So there I was, hit with one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a while. "So in other words, you worship the flag, and see the flag as your savior, because, as you said yourself, you regard the upsidedown flag and the upsidedown cross to be on the same level. Which, ironically enough, is a sin the Christians like to call idol worship." I say. "I do NOT worship the flag!" she yells. "I'd have believed you, hadn't you shown me the complete opposite, by your actions." I state. "I don't ever want you turning that flag out there, upsidedown!" my mother demands. "Well, this whole thing is rather hypocritical. Here you are, yelling at me about turning the flag upsidedown, because of what it stands for. Yet, you're also telling me that I had no right to voice my opinion, which consequently goes against what the flag claims to stand for." I say to her. Logic and consistancy; two things my mother has trouble with. So, she more or less ignores everything I just said to her, and replies with, "Just don't let me catch you doing it again. So HELP you, Dena. Some people may take offense to something like that." And you know, she's right. Some people WOULD take offense to something like that. And that's fucking sad. It's sad because people don't stop and ask why. Instead, they instantly get riled up because it goes against something they've been forced into believing. My mother didn't once ask why I turned the flag upsidedown. Instead, she produced her own reasons, which is very often an illogical, shallow one. She really didn't listen or care much about the points I was bringing up, probably because she had no self-gratifying answers. But, one thing I will abide by is her request for me to discontinue. It would have been interesting to have done something I was considering before our little one-sided debate. I was going to burn the flag a bit and then put it upsidedown. I think the pyrocy would have been enough to push my mom over the edge, and who knows what she would have done at that point. She gets rather insane when she's angry.
Land of a billion hypocrits
12:27 p.m.//07.06.06
Sound: Prodigy -- Fuel My Fire
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