I vote for a torturous death for all personell and viewers of morning talk/news shows. Holy fuck. I absolutely hate those programs. The hosts are absolutely, inhumanly giddy. NO ONE should be that happy or awake that early in the morning, or at all, perhaps. Tell me my weather, Mr. Weatherman! "OH! But not before a 12-minute-long segway into the ACTUAL weather!" he says joyously. The weather man, with his overly-white teeth and sexually-appealing-to-a-40-something-yuppie-woman voice. Tell me, in that smooth as silk voice about how it's going to snow 20 feet, forcing me to dig out my bastard car and driveway. Tell me with a fucking smile, too, because I'd love to come down where you work and slap the dick right out of your mouth. Some people love the anchor people on news stations. They actually enjoy these people. That is possibly scarier than any kind of terroristic threat one can conjure up. Speaking of terroristic threats going on prevalently in the news, here's our report on: Vegetables--Can They Taste as Good as They Are For You? Change the fucking channel, you mindless assclowns. And please, for the love of whatever creator you believe in, do NOT change the channel to an early morning talk show. You have been in darkness your entire life, and I am giving the light to you out of the goodness of my heart, and shining it right in your bastard eyes-- the revalation that MORNING TALK SHOWS ARE TERRIBLE, TERRIBLE THINGS. Need I remind you of the boiling hell fire that is/was Regis and Kathy Lee? 9:00am will forever be stained with the virgin blood, ravanged and pillaged from this show. However, there is the comprable Donnie & Marie morning talk show (yes... OSMOND!), that was of equal or greater bullshit to that of Regis and Kathy Lee. Donnie-and-Marie-fucking-Osmond. I hated the Osmond family. I wish I could set them all on fire... with my eyes. But first let me introduce our guest for today, Nathanial Biddles! He's going to be showing us the proper way to cut a summer squash!! Stay with us!!! Fuck off. I mean that with every bit of hostility I could possibly feign. My great aunts used to, and still do, watch these Regis and Kathy Lee shows. I remember seeing the shows from an early age, on a 12-inch tv that you changed the channel by turning this wheel on the side, and I faintly remember contemplating setting myself on fire; for a trip to the hospital would be far greater fun than watching this horseshit. I used to wake up, and see that my aunts would have one of the morning shows on, and it'd automatically remind me of everything in the world that annoyed me. It'd even remind me of things that I had FORGOTTEN annoyed me. But anyway. Home Run Derby tonight. Derby makes it seem so southern white trash. I will Rename it the Home Run Game. Simple. Catchy. And definitely not DERBY.
A pickle is ______
5:23 p.m.//07.11.05
Mood: Bent
Sound: The Monkees -- You Just May Be The One
[previous]������[forward]