Mood: But nostalgia isn't so bad when you get that way infrequently. The lack of frequency enables you to bask in the rays of yesteryear, with perhaps deposits a slight feeling that tickles the back of your brain by whispering something to the effect of "I wish I were 15 again". As for me, I live in a world that existed years ago. Current time and current reality are often seen as this place 'outside' that I'm unnervingly uncomfortable with, so much so that I have absolutely no desire to be reminded of such realities. I guess it would help if situations in my life actually got better instead of worse, then maybe I wouldn't have to be forced face-down into the shitpile that is yearning for times I simply can never have back. I'm so bored of having to deal with it. It's a state of being that has really exhausted itself, 10 times over. But I didn't necessarily want to take this post in that general direction, but as I also mentioned, I had no definitive destination in mind, either. I've been hearing odd noises in my house lately, some of which wake me up, as I am easily woken up by the smallest of sounds. Much of it is coming from my room, like some kind of tapping. I hear it nightly, and immediately following the noise, comes this feeling of being watched and stared at by pure evil. It's actually a lot worse than I'm capable of wording. The part that trips me up is I'm not so certain that it's fully attributed to my imagination. I think it's real. I'm almost positive it is. There's things in this world that science cannot explain or debunk, and most people aren't able to feel the presense of evil to begin with. I feel the presense of pure evil on a daily basis. I feel the projector inside my head that provides disturbing and obsessive images is the presense of evil. I feel I'm mentally attacked by demons. I also know that it makes me sound insane. But I've always had this thought. What if the people that are deemed insane and institutionalized are actually seeing and hearing things that are there? Maybe they're the few that can see into a different dimension, and since science cannot see any other dimension but this one in which we exist right now, they are just simply cast into a facility where they will be heavily drugged and labeled unsuitable for co-existing in open bedroom communities. It's possible. There's much more going on than we have the ability of seeing. And when I'm trying to be seduced by this hateful, immuteable voice that numbs my compassion and reasonability, I feel I know for certain that it's actual demonic activity. This post took really unexpected turns.
The 9th level
4:14 p.m.//07.24.06
I'm yearning to express nothing in particular. But at the moment, I'm hearing wind chimes lulling me from outside in the backyard. And I don't know what it is about wind chimes, but they remind me of memories, memories that suck me into this mindset where I'm not sure if I'm feeling mildly content or nostalgically enslaved.
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