Mood: Stagnant and remarkably anxious I'm so boring. I get bored thinking about myself. The thought of change makes my heart want to dislodge itself and fly out of my chest. Such a sad existence. It's 3:42am and all I want to do is... something. Something other than what I'm doing. I sit here and I just monitor everything that seems impossible. I'm stuck between two lives and one pulls harder than the other. I don't even have the proper words as everything feels like it's coming out so artifically; full of deadly preservatives that destroy healthy brain tissue. The closer it gets to daylight, the more malcontent I become. I hate 4am. Day break slowly kills my hopes, as daylight usually brings the torment of another day of not knowing what to do with myself. The river has stopped flowing and the waters have become diseased with a nauseating smell of rancid ideas that died and are now floating to the surface. I think about the good times and they are followed by the thoughts of wanting to bash my skull into sharp objects. Save me. Something. Please. Help.
Internally plagued
3:38 a.m.//02.16.06
Sound: Radiohead -- Ripcord
Forest fires, dually enveloping my existence. Smiley, raunchy and underdeveloped. There has to be more than this. What am I missing so much of? I'm missing so much. I miss it so much and I have no idea what 'it' is.
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