It's so hard sometimes, and not understanding why things have to be this way for me becomes more disconcerting as the days go on. I feel so old. I feel that too much has passed in front of these eyes and rendered me much older than just 22, almost 23 years. When I look into your eyes it's like a forboding trance where I'm swept up by this overpowering reality of everything that I could lose. And when I look around your room, I wonder what I'd miss someday. I wonder what I'd look back on and cry in such horrible pain and curse my existence. And sometimes I hate you so much that I forget what love is. Lunacy. My fear grows so intense at times. I don't want to one day turn around and be surrounded by regrets, should-have's and should-not-have's. I want to be one of the lucky few who make it to the end. I'm in such tremendous mental pain right now. All these lies in my head, ricocheting off of wounds that are just as tender as the first day they were seered into me. All I ask of you is to not make me regret a single day.
Shattered and lost
1:00 a.m.//08.08.05
Mood: meloncholy
Sound: sprinklers in the backyard
[previous]������[forward]