Sometimes I wake up inundated with the thoughts that a vast majority of life is pointless and not worth living. As the moments progress, I'm beginning to feel more and more depressed and hopeless as I try to grasp onto something to hinder this plummet, though I'm turning up empty-handed. It's so unfair to not even be out of bed yet and automatically awaken with deep depression. It happens so often that I can see the signs in my sleep -- literally. My entire dream last night consisted of me crying my brains out with such force that I woke up feeling as if I were hit by a truck. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt the chemicals in my head change, and with every shade of brighter light that reached my eyes, I felt almost every ounce of happiness and collectivity drain out of me. It was this overly-aware feeling that made everything brighter and louder, and above all else, I was fully aware of how dreadful life was. There's more to life than feeling like this... there has to be. Why I'm deprived of the seemingly normal, basic contentment is anybody's guess. I'm looking for more. I need more. What the fuck IS more?
Rude awakening
11:33 a.m.//03.28.05
Mood: Depressed & Hermit-like
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