Rarely does a song give me goose bumps, but tonight I listened to Mer de Noms from APC for the first time in a few months and Orestes always manages to give me the chills. That cd has many good memories for me of a few years ago. It reminds me of waking up at 3am after passing out from doing DXM with Nick and he'd be laying next to me with the shitty, trebbly stereo near the top of our heads that had Mer de Noms on repeat. The music always sounded like the band was in the room with me; it would just saturate my ear drums in a way that can only be experienced on drugs. Usually I'd have forgotten where I was and I wasn't really sure if the sun was up or not due to the hallucinatory state that I was in. I'd get out of bed, and robot myself about the room, completely forgetting why I had gotten up in the first place. I guess I had a big problem with DXM since I was up to 48 pills at a clip, about 2 - 3 times a week. I later found out that when taken in large doses like the ones I was taking, the pills would cause brain hemorrhaging, which made sense because after I came down, I'd notice my entire nose was coated in crusty blood and I never understood why. I was never the same after using for such a long period time. I now find myself emotionally numb a majority of the time, and when I'm not numb, I'm depressed and self-hating. I'm not even sure if I regret ever starting to take DXM, as I have had many good memories on it. It taught me a plethora of crazy shit as well as horrible things. Come to think of it, I have horrible memories of DXM as well; ones that make me want to curl up into a ball and die in a corner. But regardless, this is what A Perfect Circle's first cd reminds me of. I think it's one of my favorite cds of all time though it's an extremely hard toss-up. I guess I'm just feeling nostalgic again.
APC & DXM
2:17 a.m.//09.16.04
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